What if I'm Enough?

An introduction to Mel's Messy Love Lab!

Jul 26, 2025

I have this idea that I need to be witnessed in order to be important.

But what if that isn’t the case at all?

What if I write just because I want to write? What if no one needs to validate my work? I mean, if they do and my words resonate, that’s great. But that’s not really the full point of doing the work.

What if I want to get up on stage and share my story and that’s enough? It doesn’t have to be the best story or the most enlightening story or win the award.

It’s just my story.

What if I want to sing karaoke in a onesie? Or play board games naked? Or create a MeetUp called "Doing Things with People We Like to Do Thing With" and then post those things and do those things with those people I want to do them with.

What if I want to pull out my paper and pens and draw and write and make messy images that don’t make sense and then call that good? Or maybe even beautiful.

What if just me walking down the street noticing that there’s a feather on the ground is important. What if that is my joyful moment on the planet on this day? And that’s what matters.

What if I slow down and let your story in? No judgement. No need to expect perfection. No need to reciprocate.

Just listening to your story.

What if I don’t need a partner to say: “You are correct! Your ideas have value! I get you in a way no one else can!”

Or what if I don’t need to show up as part of an idealized couple or part of a triad or some other amazing, talented group of humans doing a thing?

What if just me is enough?

What if my ideas, my thoughts, my art, my music, the existence of me (just me) has value because they do for me, and that’s enough…

I’m writing this down in this moment as I’m moving out of my partner Steve’s house and into another space that I will eventually share with my mom. We’re settling into the apartment above my other partners house.

Sideline: I’m polyamorous, in case that’s not clear. This is not the post to go into explanations, I’m letting you know in case this part seems confusing...

I’ve had frequent moves. And many many partners. And many Mels over time. There’s even a recent post of mine that goes into this!

I’m reflecting a lot right now and as I look back at my 60 years on this planet—35 years or less of being an adult. I have spent most of those 35 adult years with another human (or multiple humans) who let me know I was valuable for a time.

Until they didn't.

Or until I stopped believing them because I realized I'd been losing parts of myself the whole time.

When I say “another human,” I don’t mean just one specific person. I’ve had a LOT of humans that I have lived with in my life over time. It’s been rare that I’ve been on my own for any considerable stretch.

Now is that time to dive into my aloneness—as a witch, an experimenter, a creator, an alchemist—with a black cat named Shadow!

So, maybe not so alone…

Me on my own isn’t enough. Or at least it hasn’t been for a long time. Except that it is. Except that I want it to be. For me. Right now.

And I want to dive into that reality and see what magic the world might bring. Part of becoming Essential Mel is trying things out and seeing what works. It’s making mistakes and celebrating them. It’s learning and creating and believing that “There are more things in heaven and earth, [Mel], than are dreamt of in your philosophy!”

All of this to say…

I am renaming

to

Because that’s actually what I am doing here. Experimenting and sharing what’s working for me and what’s not and most of it is messy!

And guess what!

In the Love Lab, I’m going to host Playshops—you know, workshops but without the work and with a focus on the play and a goal of discovering the profound in it all!