22 Comments
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Sam Messersmith's avatar

I know that feeling of isolating, laying on the couch with cats. Sorry you are you through it. I enjoyed this post.

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Teri Leigh 💜's avatar

I did not know that a group of armadillos is a roll. Very fitting, of course.

The way you describe how easy it is...to just splash a shot of whiskey into the coffee...and get the ball back rolling (pun intended). only to know that once that roll rolls, getting it back into control is closer to impossible than not.

the imagery in this piece, as also symbolism, is profound. and the simplicity of your tiny moment that holds potentially massive repercussions. Wow.

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Mel's Messy Love Lab's avatar

Thanks so much for your thoughts! I didn't know it was a roll either until I looked it up! I love collective nouns - I make them up from time to time (a hormone of teenagers, for example). I am grateful that it happened the way it did. And the fact that it brings me back into nature and my body and the work we are doing is awesome!

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Neil Cunningham's avatar

Mel, the images you weave between elk / herd and the armadillo / isolation....in the context of recovery....are precise and beautiful and show deep respect to yourself and the steady people who help keep you safe.

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Mel's Messy Love Lab's avatar

Thanks, Neil! That means a lot coming from you. 😀

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Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

What struck me, Mel, was the elk appearing just as you were resisting acknowledging your funk in your journal. It's almost as if nature was pushing you to see what you were avoiding. In our modern lives, we're so used to our own internal narratives dominating that we often miss the external signs—the elk, in your case, or whatever equivalent presents itself in our own lives. It makes me wonder, how often do we ignore the metaphorical "elk" that are trying to show us something about ourselves? And when we do, what are we really turning away from? Could nature be the external hard drive of our own subconscious?

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Mel's Messy Love Lab's avatar

I love this perspective and it is also inline with my experience of Flo. She is always providing signs like that in nature - when I’m present enough to listen.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

I admire you for your courage in being transparent. It would be so much easier and safer to share your highlight reel. After all, I’m sure there are many positives in your life, too. But just like showing up to AA meetings, revealing ourselves online and not hiding helps us heal so that we are no longer in prison by our shadows. Thanks for being you, Mel.

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Mel's Messy Love Lab's avatar

Thanks, Ryan. You are absolutely right. I’m pretty good with sharing the highlight reel. This group is challenging me to share the truth. It’s challenging, but you guys are giving me the tools to walk through it. ❤️

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

And you're walking through it. :)

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Mary Braun Bates, MD's avatar

So glad it was that short.

So glad you were surrounded by the best possible folks to help you come back.

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Mel's Messy Love Lab's avatar

Boy, me too! That could have gone so sideways! I’m grateful for the regular tasks in front of me with the Creator Retreat. That’s a HUGE help.

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Kyle Fisk's avatar

Rejoicing with you for your return, for the journey THROUGH the relapse and the realization that your herd is essential to your stability! We do need community. I heard it said that we only heal and grow in relationship, in community. I think this is true. Our wounds don't get healed in isolation. Our bruises don't get poked, the pain signaling that there is "something here" that needs acknowledgement and healing, without others around to poke them.

We're stronger together. I'm glad you're here. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

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Mel's Messy Love Lab's avatar

Thanks so much for that perspective, Kyle! I appreciate you.

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Eddie Burns's avatar

Thanks for being openly honest and vulnerable. No shame.

I had 9 years sober, then drank. Now I’ve been 24 years without a drink. It’s just our path. And our path will always help another at some point in life. When I was trying to get sober again, someone after a meeting shared they had 9 and drank. I felt so much better, not alone or different. Shame lifted. So, I’m a firm believer in that our experience will benefit someone else needing to hear it.

As you were talking about the whiskey and coffee, I was thinking about Jim in our book, when he decided to put whiskey in his milk. Every time I read that, I think, he must have been a big guy. I mean, the guy ate, not one sandwich, but two sandwiches, and drank a couple or more glasses of milk. haha.

Great writing too. I was engaged the whole time, waiting to see what happened next.

And I’ve always heard to stay in the middle of the pack. As I support the pack, the group, the pack will take care of me when I need it the most. Sounds like you experienced that firsthand.

Here we go… trudging (walking with purpose) the road to happy destiny.

Again, thanks for sharing.

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Mel's Messy Love Lab's avatar

Thanks so much for this, Eddie! And your vulnerability too! So glad to be an armadillo with you! (Also, I just made a rhyme!)

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Steve Carlisle's avatar

I adore this story. Not the pain you went through, but the share of your experience despite that. I love how well connected all the elements in this story are, how the flow (Flo) unfolds, and I freaking love that you have footnotes! More deep dive shares, please! You are an amazingly talented rewriter Mel, and an incredible human!

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Mel's Messy Love Lab's avatar

You make my heart big, Steve. ❤️

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JenC44's avatar

Amazing story, Mel! Brave, deep, true. Thank you for sharing yourself so generously with us!

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Mel's Messy Love Lab's avatar

Thanks for reading, Jen! :)

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Kim S's avatar

Big big hug.

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Mel's Messy Love Lab's avatar

xox

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